Description of my story:
Not being guilty of anything if only abandoned by my family; I grew up in state run mental institutions. Locked up behind dreary walls and surroundings during the most important developmental stages in a child’s life. I endured heavy medication and conditioning to keep me quiet. Through all I had endured I kept my spirit intact while I adapted to severe harsh conditions that would put an adult over the edge. I was intent to be myself which placed me at odds with the institution which got me labeled as a behavior problem. While most teenagers were enjoying prom night galas I was introduced to maximum security prison for the criminally insane at age 17. At age 18 I was kicked to the curb. The struggle to survive continues as I was never prepared for daily life on the outside.
“In August of 2003 I began having pains in my chest, rapid heartbeat, nightmares and flashbacks of dreary buildings. I didn’t make any connection for quite a while that these memories were of my childhood. I lived with my parents up until age six when my mother left suddenly in the middle of the night. I was placed with my two brothers in a series of about four foster homes because my father said he couldn’t take care of us. The first foster home wasn’t too bad as far as I can recall except for one incident of abuse. The second foster home was horrible as we suffered multiple abuses by the foster father. We were beaten with a garrison belt at will. Also we were sexually abused by another teen aged foster boy. I was neglected by state social workers as they did not look into any of my behavior that resulted from the abuse. One worker pointed out that I was very difficult to talk with and that it appeared that any moment I would cry as he observed on one visit. According to DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) social workers noted from age six until age seven while in the abusive foster home my demeanor and behavior drastically changed. At school the teachers noted that I would daydream throughout the day and that I appeared to be in a world of my own most of the day. I made peculiar noises and spoke in a low tone with the teacher. It was suggested by the teacher and the DYFS social worker that I may be suffering childhood schizophrenia. I was sent to a school psychologist for an exam. I was examined by a psychiatrist at age eight in the last foster home the Smith family. It was suggested that I did indeed suffer childhood schizophrenia and was given 10 mg of Valium. I was having fevers and was feeling disoriented so the dose was reduced to 5 mg.”